In a season of marriage and engagements, I have never felt more aware of my growing singleness. I have spent the majority of my life single and feeling like a failure because all I had ever wanted was to be romantically and seriously involved with someone.
My parents met when my mum was 14, married when she was 24 and are still just as in love today after 27 years of marriage as they were from the beginning. This is something that I have always wanted for myself.
In my second year of university I met a guy who had potential, we got along, we were happy and life together was great. It was little under a year later that I realized that he would not be “the one.” So while my friends were getting engaged and married, I was coming out of a hard break-up; a failed attempt at gaining something that I thought I needed for me to be well.
At this point in my life, a romantic relationship has not been the reality of God’s plan for me. Being single has allowed me to further establish my friendships and travel the world. It has forced me to lean on God so much more, and in doing so, finding a path to wellness that can only come from Him. I saw singleness as a period of loneliness even though I was surrounded by people. I did not have that one person who I was closer to. But Jesus fixed that. He showed me that it wasn’t true. I had Him all along.
I have come to realize that I always thought that being with someone was necessary to be well. That is simply not true. Other people are not the source of my wellness, rather wellness comes from turning to God and leaning on Him in times of struggle, loneliness, and all of life’s moments, both happy and sad.
All the needs I thought could only be met by a significant other, could in fact be found in an intimate relationship with God. He is the true source of wellness and it is by making Him my centre that I am preparing myself to have Christ-centred relationships in the future should that be His plan for me.
A verse that I have held close to my heart for as long as I can remember is Proverbs 3:5.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5
When I lean on my own understanding, I know from experience that I am not well. Through trust in God and in His understanding, I realize that my singleness is not a failure, but rather a necessary step in my walk with Him.
He is constantly showing me how to be more like Him. He taught me that being single is a time that He has given me to grow, find fulfillment in my relationship with Him, and to learn that only He can provide me with the never-ending love my soul has been searching for. I am exactly where He wants me to be, and as I understand this better, I am understanding better what it means to be well.
I do not need to be in a relationship to feel love. God provides that in boundless measure. I no longer identify myself as a failure, but rather as a daughter of God who has opportunities to serve Him in so many unique ways because I am single.
I believe that being well is having confidence in a relationship with God, knowing that His plan for your life is what matters and that true and eternal wellness comes from Him.
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