Being a stay at home mama, or my more professional title of domestic engineer, was something I had wanted since the birth of our first child. Motherhood was a role in which I felt creative, productive, and joyful. While I of course went through different seasons as we welcomed babies 2, 3, 4 and 5, I knew without a doubt that this was my calling. My heart was so happy fulfilling this purpose!
However, five months after welcoming our joyful baby number six, I entered a season I wasn’t familiar with. During this time, my days were long. I was overwhelmed by the chaos, the noise and the many hats I was responsible to wear being a mom: wife, taxi, caregiver, housekeeper and chef. Those days were very hard, and every night when my husband returned from work, I would crash on the couch with hot tears streaming down my face. I felt not only overwhelmed, but that I was drowning. This unexpected season brought out the REAL ugly in me. I constantly felt angry, and found myself always yelling. Yelling to be heard. Yelling to get things done around the house. Yelling, “I just canʼt do this!”
It was during my yearly get away with my husband that the Lord showed up to bring a word into the dark season that we had been walking in. I had never thought about my wellness before this season. I had always purposefully got out of the house for girls weekends, ladies nights, date nights, and game nights. These were all things that filled up my ‘extrovert’ bucket. I thought they were enough. But the Lord pointed out to me that he wanted me to reclaim a Sabbath. A time to rest and refuel, with no work responsibility. A time that I could commune with God and draw closer to Him. Something my schedule hadn’t allowed.
As a ‘domestic engineerʼ my work and my world collide every day. Everything I do is in my house with my family. I love and cherish them deeply, but I was never leaving work behind. I wasn’t observing a sabbath, a rest from the responsibilities that come with this occupation. I wasn’t stopping long enough to allow God to draw me closer to Him.
He Restores My Soul… – Psalm 23:3
I began taking a morning off every week to be renewed and refilled. It became a time to let my Father restore my soul! If you saw me on my morning off, you might find me with a book, a journal, and a hot cup of coffee. Or perhaps, I may be with friends. I might be worshipping alone, and loudly, in my giant red van, or maybe Iʼm out window or thrift shopping. Sometimes I get groceries and other times I make personal appointments. Whatever it is, this time in my calendar is for me to stop and rest long enough for God to restore me and strengthen my relationship with Him.
This renewing of my soul has been a game changer for me. I know that in order for me to be healthy, whole and able to fulfill my calling with joy and gusto, I need to be refuelled and refreshed. As I come up for air, I draw closer to God. It is He who fills my lungs so I can dive back into my week no longer feeling like I am drowning. Iʼm thankful for this time with Him in this season of my mothering.
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