My husband chose another woman over me.
That’s not easy to say. It isn’t easy to endure. It has been a stomach-twisting, tearful, vomit-inducing, insomnia-causing, depressing, heart breaking experience.
After more than 20 years of marriage and children, this event has left me floundering. For months I went through the motions of church and home activities because I knew I had to. And also because I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t seem to find my footing.
I have gone from numbly trying to get through each day, to each day finding joy through Christ. These are not trite words when I say I am leaning on Christ. There is power in words, but there is significantly more power in God’s Word.
I repeat those truths over and over to myself. God, You will never leave me or forsake me. God, You will always be faithful to me. God, You will always love me. God, You only have the best of intentions toward me.
I read and reread Jeremiah 29:11 which says:
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV)
God’s expected end for me, is a good one. A beautiful one. This may not be the path I want right now, but I trust God completely to get me where he expects me to be. It will be amazing. I believe that with all my heart.
That doesn’t mean it is easy.
I had a conversation a few days ago with a friend who, sadly, is going through the same circumstances with a few different details. She shared with me a comment she had read somewhere; words that had stuck in her heart – that we need to stop focusing on the problem and start focusing on the Problem Solver. How true this is.
I don’t know how this whole thing is going to work out. I know that years from now I would love to be able to testify that God worked a miracle in our marriage, but no matter what, I want to testify that God has worked a miracle in me.
A hymn I have always loved, It Is Well With My Soul, has new significance in my life. The man who wrote it, having experienced tremendous tragedy and loss, was able to say that it was well with his soul.
I have to stop and ask myself what is important.
My marriage? Yes.
My children? Absolutely.
My soul? Eternally.
Life can be really hard. Sometimes it hurts more than you can imagine. But even so, when I lean on Jesus, it is well with my soul. I believe that is what it means to be truly well.