“Give me strength to stand strong in this rushing wind…”
I love being a mom. It is incredibly hard, but I love it.
Being a mom of two is harder.
In February 2020 our little family of three welcomed Benjamin and what a sweet boy he is! I was more than ready to have him on the outside and in my arms. I knew that the transition would be tough, but I didn’t realize how difficult… I was (and still am) dealing with postpartum depression.
I was blessed to have my mom stay with us and help as we adjusted. My husband Evan is very supportive and our church family was on deck to give the help we needed, just like they did when our first child, John, was born three years ago. I felt like I might be able to do this!
Then the pandemic hit and things shut down.
All of a sudden, we were left to do this all on our own. Yikes!
Postpartum depression is not an easy topic to think about or talk to anyone about. I am grateful for a friend who knew all too well about it and offered assurance that I wasn’t alone in feeling like this. There was quite the rollercoaster of emotions to navigate (and I am sure the lack of sleep plus hormones trying to get back to normal didn’t help!). I had so many good days but the bad days weighed really heavy on my heart. God knew what I was going through and knew just what to do and say at just the right moments.
“Give me strength to hold fast to what I know..”
I know that God is always with us. It’s something that I’ve been learning since Sunday School days but I have also experienced it. Really experienced it. Felt Him close and what an incredible feeling! But there were times where I felt so alone. He was so far away. No one understood. I knew people cared but did they really get how I felt? How was I supposed to do this? I can’t do it. I am not strong enough.
One day, perhaps one of the hardest days I’ve had through all of this I went to my room and wanted to just take a nap but I felt like I should open up the Bible App. The verse and devotional for the day was all about where our help comes from. God knew I needed to hear this in that very moment. The Bible says “Where does my help come from, my help comes from the Lord…now and forever…” (Psalm 121)
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth. – Psalm 121:1-2
I wrote it down in my journal and just stared at it, talked with God for a few minutes and felt the weight lifted off my shoulders. A song came to my mind: “They are weak, but He is Strong.” Jesus Loves Me, a song from my childhood that I now sing to my boys was reminding me of that truth. I am not built to be strong enough on my own. God helps me and gives me strength to make it through.
“Your truth is a whisper in the chaos…”
I am so grateful for Evan who worked from home for a couple months and went above and beyond the husband and dad duties, for the meals that were brought, and the friends and family who offered to do what they could from a distance. They got quite creative!
Even so, I would get so overwhelmed. (Did I mention we were also working on potty training…oh boy). One day as I escaped from the chaos to my room for a moment of solitude another song came to my mind (I love that God uses songs to speak to me). “God, I look to you, I won’t be overwhelmed…”. So I opened my Bible to find the verse it was based off of and again it was from Psalm 121.
It amazes me when God shows me something, brings something to mind, or uses someone else to say just the right right thing at the exact moment I need to hear it to show me that He is near me and He’s got me. I don’t have to be overwhelmed or feel weak and defeated because He helps me, cares for me and gives me the strength I need.
The subtitles in bold are lyrics from the song King of Glory (You Restore My Soul) by All Sons & Daughters. It has been an anthem and encouragement to me through this and I highly recommend taking a few minutes to listen to it.
King of Glory (You Restore My Soul) by All Sons & Daughters
Psalm 121 (NIV)
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
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