Surrender

Surrender and trust. Over these past several months God has been teaching me a lot about these two words. Back in november I met a guy and we hit it off really well. Almost immediately after that first encounter I felt a wave of crazy, strong feelings and emotions. I was afraid of it. So I buried those feelings, prayed that they would just disappear and did my best to act like they didn’t exist.

As a former homeschooled kid and ‘tomboy’ I don’t know how to deal with this kind of thing very well, even though I’m an adult now. Fast forward to the new year I was conveniently put into a group project at school with this guy and, low and behold, those feelings were still there. So I prayed to God and finally acknowledged what I had been trying to hide.

God showed me that I needed to submit and surrender everything to him. To trust him with these feelings and all that is attached to them rather than be afraid. We say all the time to ‘trust God’ but that is easier said than done at times. The Good and bad, things that I love and things that cause me distress. He wants me to surrender everything and chase after him. To trust in him.

If you follow Jesus, read the Bible, or attend church, I am sure you have heard this before. The problem is that I want to give God all of the bad stuff and all the hurt, but when He calls me to give the good things to Him, the things that I love, then ‘surrender‘ and ‘trust‘ feel a lot less appealing. I have been wrestling with this, wrestling with surrendering to God what I want to hold close and giving him his place, the throne of my life. I often fight and pull and try to maintain control rather than give it over to Him.

As painful as it is, I would rather God lead me then follow my own desires. I don’t know if there will ever be more to my relationship, but I do know I need to let God take the lead in all of my relationships. I am learning to surrender the good with the bad and lean not on my own understanding.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6

I am learning to trust that God has plans for the future of His people.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.- Jeremiah 29:11-13

That he will give me the desires of my heart if my heart is in tune with His.

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4

I know that my heart is not a perfect guide, but that the LORD knows me better than I know myself.

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? – Jeremiah 17:9

You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. – Psalm 139:1-4

He will, in his timing and for his glory, bring about change in my heart as I bring before him everything. He will leave what is a part of his plan and he will remove what is keeping my faith from growing. Yes this is hard. Yes it hurts. But God is Faithful. He who began a good work will carry it on to completion.

Humble yourselves therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:6-7

…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6

As I write this, ‘turn your eyes upon Jesus’ is playing through my head. It seems fitting to end with this: 

“Turn your eyes  upon Jesus
look full in his wonderful face
and the things of earth
will grow strangely dim
in the light of his glory and grace.”