The other evening as the sun was just starting to set I went for a walk on a path by my house. The air was warm, the silence delicious. I walked fast after a long day cooped up at home, my body almost giddy with the chance to move. The wildflowers grow in abundance along this trail – Queen Anne’s lace, goldenrod, daisies. It’s a beautiful place to be, and as I walked between these pretty blooms I was reminded of an old Jars of Clay song that used to be a favourite of mine, called “Love Song for a Saviour”:
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she’ll understand the meaning of it all
He’s more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she’ll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He’ll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she’ll pray,
“I want to fall in love with You”
The lyrics have always made me cry and this day is no different. I haven’t felt particularly close to God this summer, haven’t made much time for prayer. My mind and body are busy with my two young boys and I’ve been finding it hard to settle into moments of just stillness and quiet. But sometimes all you need is a song to remind you of who you are, of the deepest longing of your soul that is still alive and seeking even if you haven’t taken much time to listen.
Yes, I think as I sit on a bench enjoying the sounds of a flowing brook, I want to fall more in love with You, God. And for me this is such a helpful prayer because I don’t always know the how. I often feel like I’m falling short in my spiritual life, not doing as much as I should, not investing the time that I want into the most important relationship in my life. But when it comes down to it, this is about Love. It’s about enjoying our Heavenly Father and letting Him delight in us. So we pray, Help me fall in love with You. We join with the psalmist and pray the words of Psalm 86:11,
Give me a heart that doesn’t want anything more than to worship You.” Psalm 86:11 (NIRV)
This is who we were created to be. Sure we can fall out of step, we can get distracted, but all it takes is a breath, a few simple words, I want to fall in love with You, and we are reminded of our ultimate purpose in this life — “To glorify God and enjoy Him forever,” as the catechism goes.
We might not know the how, especially when we feel disconnected from our faith, from God. But we can bring our I want to’s, our desire, to God and trust that He will help our love deepen and grow. I am encouraged by a prayer written by Thomas Merton in which he writes, “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing…” (emphasis mine).
I hope I have that desire, too. And I believe God smiles on that hope and will honour it in the way only He can.