This week my seven-year-old son asked me if I would be here for Christmas. In years gone by, my answer would have been more complicated. I would have explained my call schedule at the hospital and how all of the obstetricians take turns so that even on Christmas there is a doctor on call to welcome new babies and help sick people. We would have had a lengthy discussion about all of the activities we would be filling the holidays with and how much fun we would have.
This year my answer was so much more straightforward. I simply said, “I really hope so.” This year he wasn’t asking about whether or not I would be working on Christmas. He was asking a much bigger question. He was asking if I would be home, or back in the hospital, or if I would be gone. Would cancer have taken his mommy just like it did Terry Fox who he learned about in school this fall?
So I answered the only way I could… honestly. He looked at me quietly, nodded his head and then in the way kids do when they have all they can handle, he changed the subject and moved on. I’ve marveled many times over the past year at this ability kids have. This amazing gift to know when they are at their ‘coping capacity’ and seemingly change their focus in an instant.
While I made every attempt to change focus on the outside, his question continued to bounce around in my head like a ball unconfined by the rules of physics.
I am the mother of three small children who I love more than anything in the world. I am living in a rapidly failing physical body ravaged by a terrible disease that will consume it unless God intervenes with a miracle.
I believe in a God who is capable of performing any miracle, but He is not a genie who is obligated to give us what we ask. I believe he is a loving God who will work everything out for good, but that we often can not understand or see that good with our human eyes.
The greatest tension I’ve ever experienced revolves around my physical condition and the hope I know I can have in Him, both here in the physical world and ultimately in eternity. At times the internal struggle between being a brokenhearted mom and a hopeful child of God feels like it’s tearing me apart. I feel joy in the beauty of my children, but this conflicts with the idea that I may not be with them as they grow up, sharing with my husband in shaping who they will become. It is overwhelming.
I continue to come back to Paul’s words in Philippians 1:19-20:
“Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.”
I was sitting by the tree watching the kids play last night thinking on this. Instead of this season making our situation more painful, maybe I should have a different perspective. Christmas is a celebration of the greatest miracle this world has ever known.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord. – Luke 2:11
Jesus is the one who will make all things right. God decided to rescue us from ourselves by entering His creation as one of us, to suffer and die in our place. Ultimately, I can rest in knowing that whatever days I have here on earth, whatever my future holds, He has rescued me. I will spend a beautiful eternity with Him.
I pray for physical healing so I can be there for my children, but as painful as it is to think I may not, I have hope in spending eternity with them either way. I pray that everyone reading this post will have that same hope.
Thank you for your prayers, and Merry Christmas to you all!
Kimberly lost her battle with cancer on August 20, 2017. We look forward to being reunited with her in eternity.
Samantha Wood says
Dr. Trites, I am sure you don’t remember me or maybe you do you said I had the worst insides ever. You and your family have been on my mind alot. I having been wondering how you were doing then I found this website. I am praying for the miracle for you and your family. You were so amazing to me and my family when I had those surgery and I can’t speak highly enough about you. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Sherry garnett says
I’m sure you don’t remember me as you have so many patients. 5 years ago you looked after myself and my pregnancy. I had super high blood pressure during my entire pregnancy and i remember you were expecting a little one at the same time. Every week; sometimes twice a week, you greeted me with the biggest smile and always made me feel so at ease! Thankfully with your care I gave birth to a precious baby boy! I continue to pray for you….as I have since I first read your message here at Christmas. Please take care and may God keep you close! xo
Sue Hansen-Collier says
Dear Dr. Trites, words are not really sufficient to express the impact you have had on me and members of my family. Going to my appointments I felt like I was going to visit a friend, you always took such excellent care of me, was patient and followed up when I missed appointments and worked around all my quirks without judgment. You also cared for my children and helped to bring my grandchildren into the world healthy and happy, perhaps most importantly you saved my sisters life, my going the extra mile to find her diagnosis of cancer and your brilliant surgical skills, she would not be here without you, all with sincere concern, compassion humility and kindness. I think of you constantly, I pray for you every night, envisioning you healthy happy and cured. I continue to pray and focus for what I wish god to grant you! Peace and love and healing for a simply beautiful human being.
Thanks Kim for your honest, heart-felt message! I am so glad you were with your Family this Christmas. xo
I think about you often and pray for you more. You are the bravest and most amazing person. I will continue to pray for your comfort, peace and healing.
I’ll be praying for that miracle, and for God’s peace to surround you and yours, but meanwhile….what if each one of us chose to live life as though each moment may be our last? What if we said yes to child play more often than we said, “Mommy (Daddy) is busy right now?” What if we knew that God MEANT it when He said, “LOVE one another,” the emphasis being on ‘love’ as a verb: go forth and DO LOVE; love your kids, your spouse, yourself, total strangers – just do it, as the Nike ads used to say. God bless, Kim, and thank you for sharing.
Kelly currie says
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words. I pray for you and your sweet little family every day.
Your words are so inspiring. Our church family in northern NB continue to keep you on our prayer list and in our own private prayers. God blessings on you and your family.
Every word and it’s emotion behind them is beautiful. So grateful to know to know you. I see so much of Jesus’ spirit shining through you. I believe in the miracle.
Laura Bell says
Merry Christmas Dr. Trites. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. I’m forever grateful for your care during my pregnancies. Thank you!
Chelsea Kierstead says
Merry Christmas Dr. Trites! Because of you we just spent our second Christmas with our little miracle girl. Nothing beats the joy in seeing your children happy on Christmas morning (and every other ordinary day.) Praying for you, your husband and children tonight. God bless.
Paula Brown says
Merry Christmas to you and your family, Dr. Trites. As former patients both myself and my elderly mom have thought of you often this year. You touched our hearts when you took the time to visit her in her home with your lovely family.
Thank you so much for sharing and proclaiming so clearly the good news of our wonderful Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Praying you will always find comfort and peace in all your circumstances as you rest in the knowledge of His love.
Karen Mcintyre says
Dear Dr.Trites, there is not a day go by that I don’t think of you..I pray for a miracle so you can see the beauty of your family. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being that exceptional doctor you are and for saving my life..truly cancer is a horrible monster..may God bless you and your family…
Merry Christmas to you and your family Kim! I was lucky to have met you and have you take care of me and deal with all my quirks through pregnancy! I’m always grateful for you! From your “always perfectly painted toes patient who could always make you laugh!” Cynthia
Diane Driscoll says
Merry Christmas Kim, you are always in my heart and prayers. I pray for you and your family to enjoy life to its fullest.
Dr. Trites and family – I was touched by your personal story – my own sister was diagnosed a few years ago with cancer and if prayers could be answered – ours were. She has been cancer free since – praise to God. I add you and your family to my prayers at night and Lord willing – your son’s question will get the right outcome for all. I ask the Lord to lift you and your body to him for healing – Amen.
Mary Beth T. says
My thoughts and especially my prayers are with you Kim. Your words, courage, and honesty are inspiring. May your health have a turn for the best in 2017. Happy holidays with your sweet family. Always in my thoughts xo.
Debbie Parks says
I have been praying for Kimberly and her dear family, this is so beautifully written by a braves and godly woman. Thank you for sharing! Merry Christmas to you and your precious family!❤️
Amanda Paisley says
Merry Christmas Dr Trites. Enjoy the memories you make this Christmas!
Merrychristmas. Dr kimberly trites. I have been ready what you have been reading.youandyourefamily been in my prayers
You are very strong Kimberly God is so good !! Still praying for healing xo
Pamela Taylor says
God bless you love reading your inspirational stories. Many you have a wonderful blessed Christmas with your family. Loved being your patient a few years back. We do not know what tomorrow holds but we know who holds the future. God bless.
Jan Lockyer says
Praying for your miracle and sending positive thoughts your way.
Amanda Williams says
You are an amazing woman, mother, wife, daughter and Doctor who helped bring my children into this world. You are in our thoughts always.
Krista Jones says
Merry Christmas Kim to you and all of your family. I appreciate you and all the gifts you share with all who listen.
Any word or thought that You speak or write us so perfectly said and I’m sure gives Hope to others!
Without Your kindness, and excellence in the medical field who knows if My son would be here healthy and happy. Thank You for You positiveness in God and life in general. Your Amazing
Merry Christmas ❤️
Bless you and your precious family. Enjoy every minute of this holiday season ❤. My heart aches for you all
Breen Michele says
You don’t know me but I feel I know you. God has called me to pray for you. I pray persistently and regularly for grace, mercy, healing and a daily revelation of His love for you that will surpass knowledge.
Thank you for taking the time to share your heart.
Blessings and Love
Merry Christmas Dr. Trites, love and prayers to you and your family, from a great full former patient