The evening sun shines like shimmery gold on the river tonight. Peaceful and warm. Serenity for the soul. For my soul. My paddle dips easily in the quiet pewter river that lays like a sheet of glass. An osprey takes wing from a tall evergreen, crying out to his partner to join in the search for supper. I watch his wings as he glides gracefully across the cloudless turquoise sky. A small bird hovers, wings rapidly fluttering, and then dives, also hunting for a fishy meal.
Boaters wave as they sail by, soaking up every minute of this sultry summer evening. This is truly a night to be savoured, drank in, and filed away in a memory tank for the harsh dark winter. A picture perfect memory to be brought out and exclaimed over on a grey January afternoon.
Somehow though, fierce and fiery darts shoot through me. Piercing my heart, again – sigh. These aren’t cute little arrows shot from Cupid’s bow, no, these are aimed straight at my already limping heart. I don’t see them coming until they hit me, leaving me breathless, and yet breathing faster. They stop me in my tracks, leaving me bent and bleeding, inflicting the awful poison of fear, doubt and grief.
Tears flow yet again, uninvited and unwanted.
“How long ?” I whisper against the wordless wondrous sky.
The answer comes not out of the blue, but from within. A gentle peaceful reminder. His beautiful words spoken over me.
“Daughter I’m here.”
I close my eyes and slowly breathe in and out. I DO need to be reminded because the grief can stir up doubts, fears and cause angst to churn in my belly. Roiling. Choking.
Remind me, dear Lord, is my whispered prayer. In your goodness, sweet faithfulness and tender love, remind this tired girl. Breathe new life into my being and give my limping feet the strength to keep walking in hope. When doubt rears its ugly mocking head in my face, help me to rest on your promises. Promises of peace and new life, goodness and HOPE.
For I am confident of this, I know I will see the Lord’s goodness, while I am here in the land of the living. – Psalm 27:13
This verse stamped onto a pretty picture hangs in a white frame on my wall. I stand in agreement with David who penned this song long ago. It was truth and comfort for him, and it is for me too. I speak it, claim it and believe it.
Yes, I know there is goodness. Even when situations don’t look or feel or seem good. I know there is goodness waiting even in the valley, and in the dark storms of life. I know it because I KNOW Him. He is GOOD.
He IS the goodness. The ever faithful GOOD Father walking me through the valley and storm.
The most Beautiful One.
I lift up my eyes and believe. I trust in Him, even when the fiery arrows pierce – yes – especially then. I open my arms wide to receive Him. I paddle on through the calm and rough waters, with Him at my side as my Captain, Anchor, and Guide.
the Lord is on my side, He is my helper. – Psalm 118:7
I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. – Psalm 121:1-2