We know our most important relationships are supposed to be filled with joy and peace and love, especially during the Christmas season… but in reality, many of us have difficult and painful relationships with those we love the most.
One searing, body wracking pain, and then,
“Just one more push,” he said,
and a baby girl
exploded onto the scene,
just nineteen minutes after
her parents entered the hospital.
The first cry, the puckered lower lip
she captured their hearts.
The arms of longing for children
“This is it,” the mother said.
Post partum blues descended
in a way never before experienced –
Perhaps a harbinger of things to come.
Precious daughter, child of delight.
Loved and cherished.
A treasure from the Father.
She captured hearts
and shone joy into life.
Her presence permeated
the life of our congregations.
In school, classmates
were drawn to her
as butterflies to a bright, flowering bush.
The shy child found in her a true friend;
The neglected and downtrodden
received her tender attention and compassion;
The impish trouble-maker found an accepting spirit;
The struggling student found help and
Time marched on.
“Heidi” was soon synonymous with “fun.”
Little girls adored this teen
who took time to play a game,
create a gingerbread house,
or bake some cookies with them.
‘A dream daughter’ – the parents felt so blessed.
Shared times, shopping sprees.
Long chats late at night.
A heart set on God – undivided.
Then a darkness, a huge tidal wave
blind-sided them, and sent parents reeling.
Floundering in unfamiliar territory,
they no longer know this one
now so unlike the “original.”
Where has she gone?
The sanctuary of home has
turned into hellish turmoil.
Defiance and anger reign.
Hearts ripped out,
thrown on the ground
and stomped upon …
Over and over and over …
Who is this one so angry and unhappy?
My precious daughter,
Look at me, in the eye.
I long to soothe, to comfort, to heal
but am pushed away and
humiliated at every turn.
Freedom and control
she so desperately wants,
not realizing that true freedom
is a state of mind and
attitude of the heart.
The freedom she thinks she wants
is not freedom at all
but slavery to desires,
“I want control,” she demands.
when her life is spiraling out of control.
Oh my precious one
Your heart is divided.
Your “self” on the throne of your life
God on the throne of your life.
This divided heart
has caused a civil war
in your soul,
and it is tearing you apart.
Are your misguided desires going to
turn you into a Gollum, a shriveled,
tormented and grasping caricature of a person?
Or will you allow the giver of life
to set you free to be more than
you could ever hope or imagine?
Almost brainwashed, I was, into
Believing I was a miserable failure,
An unfit mother,
A wretched curse.
My heart aches
Tears come unbidden
This rejection has blown me away.
Then from the depths
of my despair
a Voice whispers, “No, no, no … do not
believe these lies of the Great Deceiver.
You are My child – I’ve paid a great
price, I have made you valuable.
Look to Me and I will rescue you.”
Into the word I looked.
I was reminded – how many times do I forgive?
Three, four times, maybe seven?
“No, my child, seventy time seven.”
“Yes, Lord,” my heart replies.
The Word speaks yet again.
“If your enemy is hungry
give him/her something to eat;
If he/she is thirsty
give something to drink,
for in doing so you will heap
burning coals on their head
and the Lord will reward you.”
How strange that
I would learn and experience
the truth of that
in my own household.
So, in a sense, my daughter
is my enemy –
but only because
she sees me as her enemy.
My beloved daughter
My beloved enemy
How human I am
When dealing with this!
Carnal human nature
wants to defend self,
God’s nature goes against
But His way works!
It is worth the cost.
My beloved enemy
My beloved daughter
I wait and pray
For the day
When you return.
January 23, 2008
D. Roxanna Cheney
I continue to thank God that she did return! The night this was written, I had been praying and crying, and the Lord ministered to me through these words. That same night, although I didn’t know it until later, Heidi was having her own battle downstairs in her bedroom. About 2 weeks later, her battle was won, and about 5 months later she yielded her life to Christ.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. – John 16:33 (NIV)